why do i feel so restless whenever i'm not with you? why do i feel restless whenever i don't say the words? why do i feel so safe with you? makes me wanna be with you everyday of my life. makes me wanna love you more and more each day. uhhh...

i found God again. how lucky i am? he keeps on coming back for me.

i'm confused. sometimes, i feel that i need him. but most of the time i feel that i'm alright without him. i'm confusing myself. he loves me <he says> but i think love is more than this. it is more than being with him, it is more than having a relationship. i think love is deeper than what we feel. it's profound. it's a surreal feeling. i don't love him. even some people say i should. i just like him. i like like him. i really really like him that sometimes all i could think of is him. but it's not love. it's not even close to the word. i wanna feel love. i wanna know. i wanna pay him some respect by loving him. but i just can't find it in my cardiovasculars.
i wanna be sweet to him. i wanna get closer. i wanna be intimate. maybe by that i can love him. but intimacy is not in his vocabulary. he doesn't talk about his feelings or his thoughts. he doesn't want to connect! we are full of inhibitions. i can't get through his mind and heart. all i want is to know him, to look at him in a different point of view. i wanna know him so i could treasure him. but no, he keeps stepping back and blocking my way.
i wanna call him baby, or honey, or sweety or anything that would describe how he is to me. but i can't. cos all he is to me right now is simply him.

the waves are calling me. i need to be with the sea. i need to feel the sand. i need to be held by the sun. i need to be cradle by the wind. i need to be with the beach but what am i doing here? i'm stucked with my papers and requirements. i've got chapters to read. and i can't start cos my head's with the beach right now. ooohhh, and watching stars at night with a beer and a lover by my side! how pathetic this summer can be????

---> i'm counting days and nights till we meet again o' sweet beach of mine.

summer o' summer bring me to the waves sun o' sun burn me till it pains